Adventuring through twisted time.
Everyone loved the rising of the sun and the setting of it. It was often a favorite pastime for many people. A commonality that has vibrated inside the chest of many, touching the soul. It was often the subject of art throughout history. For Lily it was something she loved to watch and paint since she saw colors beyond the gentle pinks and oranges that rolled along the gentle tones of the sky. Seeing the world through a lens was a unique way to view the world. While she had never not been able to view the world through the eyes of others, she remembered asking her siblings about the color of the breeze. Learning after that they couldn’t see what she saw.
Maybe that is why she was good at using her words, because she had always viewed the world differently than her siblings. Hence why she was staring at the rising sun in that moment, as the breeze brushed along her face. She noticed lately the wind just danced around her as she spent these moments alone. Once the sky went from the early morning oranges that have speckles of browns and blues that laced above between the yellow red beams of light, She pulled her gaze over her shoulder looking back at Luna sleeping on the ground.
She moved over to start a fire, placing the sew that she had prepared the night before over the blaze to warm it. She reached over and booped Luna's nose, “I know you don’t want to wake but you need to eat.” The chuckle left her lips knowing that Luna would most likely bat her hand away, that didn’t stop her from booping on her nose over and over again to wake her though. After a moment she looked at the flames watching them lick at the pot. She was quiet for a long moment, After all Luna had been forced into a marriage with a human male recently and it made her wonder if Mama was gonna force her into the same.
“How are you handling the whole being married?” Lily asked her sister as her gaze moved over to her. She was more than sure no one had asked her how she was feeling. Not that Luna ever needed to hold her tongue. Yet she had come to see that while Luna was tough and vocal, there was a difference with how she talked to the others versus how she talked to Lily. Her dark gaze stayed upon her sister waiting for her to speak. “Want me to take him out for you.” She joked with a wink knowing she couldn’t but wanted to comfort her sister.
The setting sun. It was an unsettling experience for Luna. Would the moon be full? Would there be a New Moon? Would the wolf king attack tonight? The never-ending questions attacked Luna's mind every sunset. Even in her sleep. Disrupting the one moment she was at some sort of peace. The setting sun meant she had to wake up. It meant as Zeta she would stress herself out about every wolf in the world. Even beyond her reach because that's just how she was.
Her teeth lightly caught Lily's finger as she booped her snoot. She muttered to herself. After setting her sisters finger free. Grumbling about being forced to wake. But with a huff she did. Forcing herself up. The first thing she always feels is that ache. That ache from the scar on her back. She huffed and groaned. Stretching. Stiffening at her question. How was she handling this? It was a great question and honestly ever since the forced marriage, she hadn't had the chance to process it well enough.
They'd been moving ever since the marriage which meant she wasn't handling it all.
She was just suppressing her emotions. Treating this matrimony like a business. Trying not to think about certain things. Like what happens when this is wild hunt is all over and she was still very much married. Or when Devon inevitably finds out she's a wolf. The Zeta on top of that. And the one whose image was truly on the wanted image for the wolf king they hunted.
Did she share all of this?
It was too much to share having just woken.
So to answer her sister's question she merely clicked her tongue and tilted her head. Shaking it eventually.
She locked eyes with Lily in a moment of seriousness. But it didn't last long as she sat and huffed. Staring into the flames under the kettle. "No." She leaned her elbow on her knee and her cheek in her hand. Closing her eyes as she growled in frustration. She knew Lily was joking. But it was hard for her to joke back about this when she hadn't even been really handling it.
"He's proven to be a good man. At least we don't have to worry about the past repeating itself in that regard."
As Luna caught her finger she didn’t fight it, As it wasn’t hard enough to cause concern. Knowing her sister would never hurt her on purpose. So the moment she was freed she pulled her hand back and moved to get a bowl of food for herself and her sister. She watched her sister grumble and huff. Mentally she was sad because Luna used to be different. Yet she would never not love her sister. She wanted to always be by Luna's side.
Knowing her sister well enough to know not to push more than asking the question. She watched the cogs turn in her mind as she took a long sip of the stew. Quiet and watching. Watching as she always did. The colors that swirled along the emotions of her sister's face. It always caused her heart to ache. Her face was soft, staring at the strong woman in front of her.
Once she got an answer their eyes locked, the fake answer, the wall before it came falling down with the real answer. “Well at least you are being honest. Mixed emotions are okay to have.” She said softly as she shifted to stare at the fire and watched the swirls of oranges, yellows, reds and amber dance together. “Do you want to stay married?” She asked as she moved the stick to poke it. “If mama would allow you to dissolve the marriage would you? Or has the human gained your affection?”
She let her dark gaze drift back to her sister knowing that she herself had secrets from Luna and their family. Her eyes went back to the fire to think of Hawk even though she knew she shouldn't. She wondered when the wind was going to take her back to him. She was mad he left that night after bringing her back hurt. When it was all an accident. “If he wasn’t a good man we would have eaten him by now.” She said with an easy laugh as she poked at the fire.
Silence filled the tent and sat on their shoulders from the weight of it. Luna just sat there a while staring at the half-eaten food in her bowl. Swishing the remains from side to side. A million thoughts swirling around her head and a million words left unsaid. Dancing at the tip of her tongue which remained trapped behind her clenched teeth. She put her bowl down before she did something she'd regret later.
Lily was joking. She knew that of course but she despised herself for letting herself become so associated with violence. Anger, sure, but most Lupines are angry and known to be angry. Anger however doesn't always equate to violence. Unless of course, you have Luna's luck. Which was bad. She gave her sister a tight insincere smile as she brushed her hands off on her thighs. If her conversations throughout the rest of the day were all like this she'd snap, because no one realised violence for her was only a trauma response. Or that the topic of her being violent was a small trigger that was mentioned enough to add up and chip away at the shield she'd built against it.
One day it would be one too many and Luna wasn't ready to break and lose herself to Spade again.
It was bad enough she had to live with the name. Taking its reputation and building something she could be proud of. Using it to protect those she cared about and those who had no one else. Though it was all at her own expense. She really didn't know how to reply to Lily or where to take the conversation so she found it best to just get up and leave. Not to be rude but clearing her head with some fresh air would certainly help. She was stopped short by one of her pack members just she was about to make it out of the tent.
She had thought it was perfect timing. Someone needing her before her sister could speak another word or say she's coming with her. However when she heard the message the wolf had she froze and went numb. Her face paling the more she heard. It wasn't until a gentle touch landed on her shoulder that she was thrown from this terrifying trance she was caught in. Instantly, pulling away harshly with an animalistic growl as she showed off her fangs. Only to realise it was just Lily.
Touch was another trauma response.
She was trying so hard to get past that though. Especially since most of her siblings were physical and she could see the emotional pain she caused them every time they hesitated to reach for her or every time she defensively pulled away. That silence fell on them again as Luna dismissed the messenger as the weight of the quiet brought her head down. She rubbed her face and groaned into her hands.
"They're not all dead."
It was all she said at first as she came to stand beside Lily and peered out at her pack and the rogues camping together in peace.
"My ex-mate's pack. They're not all dead and their new alpha... Is the one that broke your nose."
Was it too much? Was she pushing too hard? Was she being a nuisance? These all crossed her mind, and yet Lily knew that she was trying to reach a part in Luna that she didn’t want to see disappear fully. She knew Luna had to miss being her carefree loving self. Events had turned her into a cold being who was fighting a war inside of herself. She didn’t reach out for help, and it was hard for Lily to see her this way. Not being able to eloquently pull her out of a dark place was bothersome to the young wolf.
Watching her react to her touch in an animalistic way caused Lily to pull her hand back and place it on her bowl once again. Trying not to show any reaction, after all she expected the reaction. Thanks to the trauma she had been placed through. Raising another spoonful to her mouth as she ate it and watched her sister fight with what words were going to leave her mouth next. Confusion crossed her face for a moment before she understood.
Swallowing the lump of food before placing her half eaten bowl next to Luna’s. Peering over the Pack and Rogues. “And do you know where they are?” She asked simply as she moved to raise and stand beside her sister. The peace that was happening in camp at that moment was nice but now with this new information she wondered what Luna's true intentions were now.
“Are we going to pay them a visit?” She finally asked before turning her gaze to her sister. She wondered if her sister could see the scar on her nose. If it was fueling some part of her rage deep down.
The hardest part of being trapped in the dark is that when someone lets the light in to save you, you close your eyes to the pain of light.
Luna knew. She knew Lily was searching in the dark for her sister. Reaching for her hoping she would reach right back and take her hand. Let her guide her back into the light she was forsaken from. But Luna was, for now, comfortable here. In the dark, she could operate at her own will and move more freely. In the dark, she didn't have to answer for certain things she did most wouldn't approve of. In the dark, she couldn't see the violent truths she did in the light. She was hidden here.
She was free.
But she really wasn't. Free of expectations and formative rules. Burdened by fear of all those close to her terrified of if she'd snap again, how soon and how bad it may be this time. No one realising that despite her trauma response to the certain things they did she was overall fine. A snap like when she was deemed Spade wasn't as easy as they feared. Even when Luna was angry or handled something violently. Which were farther and fewer between than everyone assumed.
Even now as she planned out what to do this leftover who hurt her little sister she wasn't near a snap. Angry and ready to rip him to shreds? Of course but this was normal for Luna. A snap would involve failing to keep control of herself and losing her sense of when to stop and who was innocent. The burning in her eyes said it all though. And anyone looking would see that blazing rage everyone feared.
It took her far too long to finally respond. "I'm going to find him." It was clear in her tone of voice there was no changing her mind. "And I'm going to kill him so slowly he'll regret he was ever alive, to begin with." She didn't look at Lily. She couldn't. Instead, she marched forth. Giving the pack a list of commands to keep things running smoothly while she was gone.
The thing they all knew as, Lily would never stop reaching out to her sister in the dark. No matter how many times she slapped away that outreached hand. She would always be there. Holding her hand out to her. Waiting. Yet she knew that she would have to come back to the light on her own in the end. So she would just smile from a far and be the little light that was allowed to peak in. She knew her sister would do the same for her, if the roles were reversed. Though none of them would let her not be the light.
The quiet always seemed to hang around recently, Lily could feel the wind blowing to comfort her in those moments causing the flicks of her hair to dance around to graze along her cheeks. She stared towards Luna with questioning eyes waiting for her to answer on what they were going to do. When her response finally came she tilted her head for a moment. Why were they all here if…
“You are not.” She said as she sat up more to lean towards her sister. “You are not going alone.” She tried to reach out to make Luna look at her. Yet she was moving away from her causing her to get on her feet and follow behind in suit. As she gave orders to the Pack she frowned. “Moonpie.” she said softly as she looked down. “Please don’t go alone.” She begged her sister. “Just in case, for me?”